New Kids in School
by MirrorBlood262
Summary: Joey Wheeler and Seto Kaiba have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, set in the third Harry Potter book. This is my first fanfic ever, please let me know what you think and PLEASE POINT OUT ERRORS! I do not own the rights to Harry Potter or Yugi oh. Review review review review review review review review.
1. Welcome to Hogwarts Joey

It was the beginning of Ron, Harry, and Hermione's third year at Hogwarts. As they boarded the Hogwarts Express under the sign that read "Platform 9 3/4" they noticed two boys about their age arguing over something. "Ay Moneybags!" yelled the smaller blonde boy. What the hell do ya think ya doin'? " God damn it Wheeler, I am just trying to load my luggage on the train so we can hurry up and get to Hogwarts", the slightly taller brunette boy said drawing his wand angrily. "And if you don't move I will hex your sorry ass back to Brooklyn!"

"Sheesh nickel nuts, you don't have to get so hot a 'n bothered about a little accidental game of grab ass", the blond said playfully.

"Stop calling me Moneybags and Nickel Nuts for god sakes!" The two boys stopped arguing and boarded the train. As the blond boy walked through the cars to find an empty seat he saw the three from the platform sitting in a compartment. "Hey, can I join you guys?" he asked quietly. "Sure" said Hermione in a friendly tone. He sat down slowly as the train began to move out of the station. "I'm Joey Wheeler",said the blond boy. "Nice ta meet ya all. "Nice to meet you too", they all chorused ." I'm Hermione Granger, this is Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter." said Hermione."I haven't seen you around Hogwarts any, are you new?"

"Yeah, I neva went to a formal magic school before." My dad is a drunk and neva wanted ta pay for me to go anywhere so I neva went." I got a letta from Hogwarts telling' me that I was accepted and it wouldn't cost the old man drinkin' money. They rode in silence for a while until Harry asked "who was that guy you were arguing with?"

"Ah that was Seto Kaiba, some stuck up rich kid that thinks he owns the world".

"So Joey, what house do you want to be in?" asked Hermione.

"House?" , asked a confused Joey.

Slytherin, which is the house for people who want nothing for others and only themselves and will stop at nothing to get what they want.

Ravenclaw, which is for people who believe that knowledge is the most important tool in life.

Hufflepuff, who believe in hard work, and being losers Ron said.

"Ronald Weasley!", yelled Hermione angrily.

"Sorry, sorry." he mumbled softly.

Gryffindor, which is bravery, and the house we three are in.

"Well, I guess bravery is good and I already have some friends in Gryffindor, so I will go with that.

"We are almost to Hogwarts" Hermione informed the other three.

The food trolly passed and the woman asked them same thing as always. " Anything from the trolley dears?"

"Nah, I ain't got any money ta blow", said a rather frustrated Joey.

"Two pumpkin pasties and a licorice wand", said Harry and Hermione simultaniously.

"Joey, what do you want?" asked Harry.

"Watcha got on there?"

"We'll take four of everything on me." said Harry.

"Thanks Harry, thats tha nicest thing anyones eva done for me" said a slightly surprised Joey.

"Ya didn't have ta do dat ya know".

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Seto Kaiba walked down the isle of the Hogwarts Express attempting to find a seat with people he didn't find complete and utterly repulsive. He wandered toward the back cars when he found a place with some Slytherins. "May I join you?" he asked politely. A boy about his age with slicked back bleach blond hair sat with his head in the lap of a very pretty girl with black hair and green borders on her robes. "Of course, if you are a pure blood?" he asked snottily. "If I wasn't then I wouldn't be a true wizard now would I?" he replied cooly.

"You're in." "I'm Draco Malfoy." said the boy as he stretched out his hand.

"I'm Seto Kaiba." said the taller brown haired boy. "I think we will get along fine."

"And by the way Seto, stay away from that moodblood Granger and her gang of Weasel and Potty."

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"Welcome to Hogwarts Joey." said a very enthusiastic Hermione. "This is home."

"Whoa guys, this is amazin'!"

After all of the first years were sorted and the feast began, Professor Dumbledore introduced our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Remus Lupin.

"Now, I would like to introduce our new third year students, Mister Seto Kaiba, And Mister Joey Wheeler."

"Mister Kaiba, what house would you like to join?" "Slytherin." he replied bluntly.

"A very good choice, and you MIster Wheeler?"

"I think I'll take good ol' Gryffindor sir." replied and ecstatic Joey.

"Very nice, now everyone follow you Prefects and don't forget the password to your house and where the entrance is located."


	2. Shit Happens Backward When You Are Drunk

"This is real cozy", said Joey as he sat down in one of the soft red chairs. The Gryffindor common room had an orange glow to it caused by the fire. It began to rain as the night went on and everyone celebrated being back at Hogwarts. Joey stared out the window thinking about his new friends and his new home at Hogwarts. He wandered about Serenity and how her eyes were holding up. He was almost asleep in the chair when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was Hermione. "Hey Joey, is everything okay?" she asked kindly.

"Yeah, I was just thinkin'." "I'm worried about classes and friends and ma lil' sista, Serenity."

"It will be alright Joey, you can always talk to me, Ron, or Harry", she said soothingly.

It's just my sista will go blind soon and I haven't seen her in almost seven years.

"You are going to be a formally trained wizard now, I and know some spells that could fix you sisters vision that I could teach you."

"Ah gee, you'd do that for me?"

" Of course Joey, I know we technically just met but I would love to help."

"Ah, thank you Hermione I fuckin love ya abundant brains out!" said an ecstatic Joey as he kissed Hermione on the cheek.

Hermione blushed and tried it but he quickly caught it.

"Ah come on Hermione, don't hide ya blush ya look beautiful when ya blush." Joey said softly.

That made her turn a dark scarlet colour and made Joey's smile broaden.

"See, ya beautiful." "Now lets go ta bed." Hermione pulled him in for a long hug before they departed to their separate dormitories.

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Kaiba made his way up to the Slytherin common room with the rest of Draco's crew, when they got there the seventh years were throwing a full fledged party. Everyone was drinking, screaming,fucking, you name it they were doing it.

The girl that was cradling Draco's head in the train walked up to him and began to rub his abs and chest muscles. After a While Draco noticed and became furious.

"Pansy!", he yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

Geez Draco, I'm just having fun with my new friend huh, what's your name again?" she asked befuddled.

"Seto Kaiba now get off you tramp!" yelled a drunken Kaiba as he threw the girl he now knew as Pansy across the common room.

Draco swung and the CEO took the full force of the punch right in the temple and blacked out.

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Joey Wheeler awoke in a round room with multiple canopy beds with red curtains, it took him a moment to realize that he was at Hogwarts now.

He went to the boy lavatory to get dressed for class, after getting fully dressed he walked down to the common room. To his surprise he saw Hermione in one of the large fluffy red chairs asleep. What didn't surprise him was the book in her hand. "Hey, MIone, wake up!"

She didn't move. He called her again and again and no response, so he leaned in and began to gently suck on her neck.

She awoke with a start. "Malfoy get the fuck off me!" she screamed and smacked Joey across the face.

"Damn sweetheart, I didn't think you could hit that hard." said a surprised Joey.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Joey." she said kissing him on the lips quickly.

"It's alright, i had it comin' for givin' ya a hickey."

"Ah shit" "What will Ron and Harry say about this?"

"Lucky for you sweetcheeks I have just the little spell to get that off."

"Patchious covereirum" he said. "All better".

"Hey Joey since we have already kissed and you gave me a damn hickey, lets just be together."

"Ooookay, fine with me!"

"Mornin' Joey", said Harry sleepily. " Mornin' Hermione.

"Hey guys" said a very hungry Ronald Weasley.

"Hey Ron", they all three chorused.

"Guess what day it is guys." said Harry in a very disappointed tone. "Tuesday", said Ron.

"Yes, but double potions with the Slytherins." he answered shaking his head in sadly

"Jesus fucking christ", said a very annoyed Hermione. "Hermione, when did you start swearing so much?" asked a concerned Harry.

"As soon as I saw that asshole Seto Kaiba.

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Seto Kaiba woke up with a churning stomach and a splitting headache as a result of the previous night's drinking. His hangover was severe, however it wasn't the worst he had ever experienced. He went to the common room after getting dressed and saw Draco, Astoria, Pansy, and Blaise sitting on the couch.

"Sheesh guys you look drunker than Wheeler's dad." said a grumpy Kaiba.

"You look like Blaise at Christmas, and for Merlin's sake stop yelling." said Draco irritably.

"Damn, we have double potions with those Gryffindor losers in thirty-five minutes." Astoria whined.

"Any chance I get to show Wheeler and Potter up I will" said the CEO harshly.

As they all walked toward the potions room they encountered Peeves, the poltergeist.

"How are my favorite little underaged drinkers this morning"he screeched.

"Damn it Peeves, stop being a demonic little asshole this once, please.

"And why should I", he bellowed and smashed a vase on the marble floor.

"Pansy?", said Astoria. " Let's do it.

They simultaneously took their shirts off and began to play with their brustwarze (German word for you know, english is a germanic language, figure it out) until Peeves finally agreed to stop being an asshole and they finished.


	3. Hermione, not now

"So let me get this straight, I have a room full of brainless Gryffindors and drunken Slytherins in my classroom correct?"said a very angry Snape.

"Pretty much" said Joey indignantly.

"Today the Gryffindors will be brewing a hangover and buzz remover, and the Slytherins will have to duel their best wizard to earn the potions."

"Ay' Moneybags, wanna duel?" yelled Joey causing the whole Slytherin side of the room wince. "Or do ya just wanna slytherin to bed Malfoy to sleep it off?"

At this remark the Gryffindor side of the room erupted in laughter causing the Slytherins to cover their ears in pain. To the hung over Slytherins delight, class continued silently as the Gryffindors brew the potions. "Alright", said Snape sharply. "Joey, draw your wand, and Seto do the same."

Joey realized that he was finally going to get the chance to duel that asshole Kaiba one on one.

"Let's duel Galleon Guts", bellowed Joey smugly.

"Let's go Wheeler" said Kaiba with a trademark Slytherin smirk.

"STUPIFY! ", they yelled in harmony.

Their spells met in mid air and the fight to make their own spell the strongest.

Joey pushed with all of his power and he suddenly heard a snap and saw Kaiba lying on the ground next to his broken wand.

"I told ya I'd kick ya ass Nickel Nuts", said Joey in a cocky manor.

"Blue Eyes White Dragon, Go", bellowed Kaiba as the massive dragon flew from the card.

"Obliterate!" Joey closed his eyes and waited to die, but he never did. He looked up and saw a very black Professor Snape and a hole in the dungeon wall.

" One hundred points from Slytherin", snap cried.

"And Mister Kaiba you will be fixing this hole in the wall by hand in detention for the next month."

The rest of the class went by fairly quickly and uneventfully. Nothing major happened that was out of the ordinary, Seamus blew up another cauldron and Neville was standing on his desk hiding from the lively potion he spilled on the floor. At the end of the day the four Gryffindors made their way up to the portrait of the fat lady.

"Rosemary Tumblum", said Hermione. The portrait swung open and they made their way inside the Gryffindor common room. Joey took his usual seat in one of the large red chairs by the fire. Hermione look for a spot to sit next to her new boyfriend but all the seats were taken by sleeping Gryffindors.

"Hey, sweetheart you can come sit in my lap if ya want to.", said Joey softly.

"Okay, I guess so", she replied nervously.

"You don't gotta worry babe, I won't do nothin' to ya."

"Okay, I trust you", she said sliding into his lap gently.

"Now,tell me all about your day", Joey said kindly.

"Well, I saw the most amazing guy beat Seto Kaiba ass in potions today, and in ancient runes I cussed out all of the Slytherin snake scum in there."

"How was yours?"

"Well I saw the hottest girl in potions today make the best potion in the class."

"Oh Joey, could you be any sweeter?"

"I could, but that would be unhealthy and make you fat n' diabetic."

Hermione began to slowly slide her hand to the inside of his thigh and slowly rub.

She began to grind on his lap and turned and kissed him. She felt him begin to get hard against her lower back and rolled over and kissed him passionately on the lips and slipped her hand in his pants.

"Whoa Hermione, lets not do this here and now."

"Awe, Joey, Please?" begged Hermione.

"Nah, not tonight sweetcheecks, but tomorrow, I will do anything you want me to do to you."


	4. Don't Mess With Brooklyn Kids Bitch

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Joey headed toward the great hall for breakfast. They walked silently and in step as if they were a squadron of well trained soldiers. Hermione planned on telling Ron and Harry about her and Joey at breakfast. They sat down at the Gryffindor table in their normal spots when they overheard Malfoy talking about the Quidditch tryouts today.

"HOLY SHIT, I completely forgot about the quidditch tryouts today!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to", said Joey. "What kinda broom ya got Harry?"

"Nimbus 2000", he replied proudly.

"Whoa, I got a Firebolt from my lil' sista Serenity for Christmas last year."

"Jesus fucking christ Joey, that is the worlds fastest broom." said a bewildered Harry.

"Yeah, that's the first time I eva got a Christmas present since my mom and dad was together.

"I feel your pain nigga", said harry sympathetically.

"When did you become hood Harry?" asked Hermione raising her eyebrow.

"And don't use that word, it is offensive."

"We better get going guys, we have charms and quidditch tryouts in two hours" stated Joey.

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The four Gryffindors walked down the grassy boulder littered slope toward the quidditch pitch. They saw the Slytherins waiting there for them.

"Hey Wheeler, heard the mudblood is your new playthi". . .

"KAIBA YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Joey flung himself at the CEO and tackled him to ground.

"Kaiba you no good piece of shit" Joey yelled angrily as he began to beat his face.

"Crucio" bellowed the Slytherins all at once.

All six spells hit him right in the back. He began writhing around uncontrollably on the ground.

"NO!" yelled Hermione running up and kissing him on the lips quickly reviving him.

"That's not the only dirt he's been sleeping on" said malfoy with the signature Slytherin smirk.

"You just shut the fuck up Malfoy!", she screamed drawing her wand.

"Hey guys when she comes is it brown like her murky tainted blood?" asked Malfoy smiling maliciously.

"You piece of shit", she screamed driving her fist full force into his nose causing him to burst into tears and fall to the ground.

"Mione duck!" yelled Joey standing up.

"Penotrasium!" He yelled swinging his wand at all of the Slytherins.

Large penises erupted from the ground and began to Slytherin all of the Slytherin's asses slowly and painfully.

He held the spell until he was satisfied with them about three feet off the ground.

"Ay Nickel Nuts, told ya cock monster was real".

"Alright guys let's head of to the pitch and get started."

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Joey zoomed across the pitch at lightning speed on his firebolt slamming the quaffle through the shortest goal hoop.

He made every shot and executed his moves perfectly.

"You're on the team kiddo", said a very impressed wood.

"Harry, you don't even have to try out, you're the seeker and everyone else is everyone else, okay."

"Alright, we practice every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, now poof.

At that everyone left the pitch and head to their houses.

Hey Joey, remember what you promised last night?" asked Hermione slyly.

"Hell yeah I do, lets get started."


	5. HP and the Sorcerer's Crack Rock

"So Hermione, whatcha want me ta do for ya?"

"Well, you could start rubbing slowly and gently the go in fast and hard and we'll take it from there."

Joey began to slowly ease his hand in the top pouch of Hermione's school bag and rub his hand around attempting to find her ancient runes book.

He felt around for a while but never found anything more than lint two tubes of toothpaste and two toothbrushes in protective holders.

He removed his hand and jammed it in the large crowded pouch on top he violently shook his hand in there trying to find her book and finally turned it upside down and dumped it.

"See there Hermione, nothin' gets past a little violent shakin'."

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"Yo Ronnyboy", said Harry in an Atlanta hood accent.

"Harry what the hell is up with you, you are acting like a Atlanta drug dealer.

"Good",said Harry cooly.

"What is wrong with you Harry, you aren't American, hood, or black."

Hey, Ron?

"Yes Harry."

"Do you dick hang low do it wobbler to da flo do it feel real good when you stick it in a hoe can tho it ova ya shoulders and carry like a radio, do you dick. hang. low?"

"Harry, I'm just going to walk away before it gets even more awkward than it is."

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"Hey Kaiba is that the deepest you've been penetrated too?"

"You've been penetrated, I didn't know you were."

"Well yeah, I thought you were a little bent too", said a confused Malfoy.

"Well, I'm not so don't try any shit."

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"Hermione?"

"Yes Joey?"

"I love ya sweetheart."

"Awe, I love you too." "Well today is saturday so what do you want to do?"

"Let's go to the lake and sit under a tree."

"Okay, can Crookshanks come with us."

"Ugh, I guess so, but one day it'll be me or that cat." "How did you even wind up with that thing?"

"She saw it in Magic Menagerie and felt sorry for it" said Ron looking Joey's shoulder.

"Ron,where is Harry?" asked Hermione in a concerned voice.

"I uh kinda ditched him at the quidditch pitch because he started talking like an Atlanta crack head."

"One, two, three", Joey counted off quietly so only Ron and himself could hear.

"Ronald Weasly! he is our friend and obviously something is worn with him and we need to find out what it is." yelled Hermione angrily.

"Ya need to find out if he is my long lost brotha from Brooklyn and see if he can't get me famous for bein' his brotha."

"Joey!"

"Sorry Mione", he said in an ashamed tone, his eyes like that of a sad puppy.

"Ron, go get started in your homework, Joey and I are going to the lake." said Hermione sternly.

Ron began to walk toward one of the overstuffed red chairs in the common room. He sat down and began on his potions essay.

Hermione and Joey locked fingers and walked through the castle and out in the grounds. They walked over to a rock under a tree by the lake.

They sat on the large flat top rock huddled together. They stayed silent for a few minutes when Hermione buried her face in the crook between Joey's muscular chest and his arm and began to cry.

"Hermione, please don't cry, It makes me cry when you cry."

"I'm sorry."

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Blaise Zambini kissed me yesterday and I didn't pull out of it."

"Darlin', that's okay, I love ya and I forgive ya too."

"Okay then."

Joey laid back on the rock and Hermione followed. She rested her head on his chest, leaned up and kissed him.

He put his arm around her and gave her a quick squeeze.

"I love ya Hermione."

"I love you to Joey."

They laid there and the eventually fell asleep.


End file.
